The day of 13th May 2012 was highly a stressful day for me. I could neither meditate peacefully nor could concentrate on my studies. My mind clouded up with a few silly disappointments(I understand now!) and lots of questions to ask of Swami. I tried all my best to listen to my inner voice without silencing my mind! I fought with myself to sleep. Finally the Goddess of Sleep took pity on me and embraced me.
It was then that Swami gifted me this dream. So the dream was as follows:
|A beautiful morning at Parthi|
Source: Anyaa Studios
I was still in my position and as I opened my mouth to speak,He said in Tamil, “Enakku theriyum! Idhu ellam silly doubts,da! Avan Solluvan!” (I know! All these doubts, child! Still, he will speak to you!)
|Enakku Theriyum! (I know)|
I was happy that He did not get angry with my questions. At the same time, I was also disappointed for I felt He spoke something without any connectivity and walked off smiling. What ignorance! Can Swami ever speak without connectivity? It was absolute ignorance, that I failed to understand the meaning behind His words He spoke to me. I was left absolutely clueless as to whom this ‘avan’ or ‘he’ Swami referred to. I felt like crying. I could feel a heavy heart pushing me down. (I don’t know how its fair the heart has to get heavy when the mind is what is responsible for this heaviness! But at that moment, that’s what I felt)
|The venue of the Balvikas class was much similar to the hall above this|
North Indian Canteen inside Swami's Ashram at Prasanthi Nilayam.
I headed back to my room, cried as much as possible and proceeded for my Balvikas class. The venue where the Balvikas class was held was more or less like the hall above the North Indian Canteen at Prasanthi Nilayam. I entered and whom did I see? Who was my Balvikas Guru? It was Brother Aravind Balasubramanya, a student of Bhagawan Baba and serves at the studios of Radio Sai at Prasanthi Nilayam.As the class commences, he begins talking about the importance of Balvikas as there were a few new comers. That day’s Balvikas class was not the same format as is held generally. We did not chant any shlokas, no stories, no worksheets, no quizzes, no bhajans. Brother Aravind spoke of so many things and I felt everything was out of context (With reference to doubts troubling me) I wondered what happened to everyone around me, because from Swami to my Balvikas Guru, all of them were speaking without any connectivity! Though I did not pay much attention to what my Guru was speaking because of a disturbed mind , something urged me strongly to listen to him speak. I listened and there comes my first answer! He shifts to another topic and there lies my second answer, exactly the way I sequenced to ask Swami! It was just like Swami speaking to me. The life situations that my Balvikas Guru, Br.Aravind gave as examples was very much the same situation that I was at. To this day, I know that it was Swami who chose to answer me in the form of a person I admired and respected.
Well here is the most important part of the dream, my questions and the profound answers. Let me begin right away.......
Why am I unable to meditate peacefully even if my thoughts are not disturbing me?
First of all how do you know your thoughts are not disturbing you? Meditation is a state where you are free of thoughts. When you have thoughts it is difficult to concentrate. For this purpose you have got to control your mind for this is the producer of thoughts.
|What should I do to control my mind?|
What should I do to control my mind?
A sad and depressed mind is the most disturbed one. When you are happy, there is just no need to think too much and cause anxiety (1st take home message). That is the reason Swami tells us to be happy .
But the means to happiness? Can that be compromised?
No. Not at all! The means to happiness is very important You get true happiness only when you perform a righteous action and it is only true happiness that is a pre-requisite to control your mind.
Good people suffer. The evil ones roam around happily. How does the All Knowing Lord tolerate this?
|Good and Evil|
God doesn't do anything without a meaning (2nd take home message). He has his own calculations. One needs to understand His ways for this which is just next to impossible. Lets take two situations. Firstly, when we see a man tormenting his servant, we curse the guy and ask God as to why this evil fellow has been given so much wealth and strength that it has nourished his ego. Secondly, when we see a blind and crippled old man by the roadside, out of deep sympathy and kindness we ask of God as to why is the poor man put to a rude test. Ultimately, if you notice, in both the situations, you blame God! Now, sensibly if you link both the cases, you would see that the second case maybe the result of the first! In that way we wouldn’t question His Divine justice or doubt is Divine grace. About the evil ones roaming happily, they are destined to face the consequences of their actions shortly.
Swami barely comes in my dreams! Does He love me less compared to others’ dreams he appears in?
|Why doesn't Swami come in my dreams very often? :(|
It is very foolish to think so. One cannot have a dream as and when one likes to. You think of so many people. Do all of them come in your dreams every time you sleep? No, right? Therefore it’s a mistake to think that He doesn’t love you or loves you less. His Love is immeasurable. There are many other signs of His grace of which dreams are only a part of. Look for other signs. When you are able to feel the love for Him in you heart, that in itself means He loves you. One of the greatest signs of His grace is to feel the blessing of being an instrument in His hands. Its next to the bliss of unifying with Him (3rd take home message)
End of Part 1
You may read the second part here
You may read the second part here